The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." -Meister Eckhart

Gratitude holds us together even as were falling apart. Ironically, gratitudes most powerful mysteries are often revealed when we are struggling in the midst of personal turmoil. When we stumble in the darkness, rage in anger, hurl faith across the room, abandon all hope. While we cry ourselves to sleep, gratitude waits patiently to console and reassure us there is a landscape larger than the one we can see. It's easy to be grateful when life hums, when the moneys in the bank, the romance is divine, and your healthy. But when you don't know how the bills will get paid or he doesn't love you back or he wont return your calls or your feeling from a devastating diagnosis. "thank you" usually isn't the phrase that immediately comes to mind. However every time we remember to say "thank you" we experience nothing less than Heaven on earth.

I started one of the best journeys ever. Which was to follow through on exactly what this book says. This book is called The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude. I can already see the wonders its doing for my soul. It doesn't ask for much, actually it doesn't really ask for anything at all. Think of five things you are grateful for at the end of the day. Faith, answered prayers, kindness of strangers, company of others, not having to cook, a boundless imagination. Write those five things down every night before you go to bed. Some days will be easier then others. Some days you might want to write down that your grateful that the days over, but you still have to write down four more things.

I will not be posting everyday what I am grateful for, but here are my examples of what I have come up with so far. I think it will help you get an idea of how amazing this concept actually can be.

January 1, 2013
1. A fresh start.
Today is a day for a new year, leaving everything in the past.
2. Sleep.
We all know on New Years Ever it ends up being a 3-4 a.m. night.
3. The Aroma of a Candle.
I bought my mom a Voluspa candle from Alice Lane. It's amazing. I love all of their candles because they are so unique and powerful.
4. Something Delicious
Man on man did we have leftover yumminess from our party. Everyone brought something different and anything you would of wanted was there.
5. Spending the holiday with all the right people.
My whole family was together this year. It is the last year all of us will be together before my brothers head off on missions. Thats something to be grateful for.

January 2nd 2013
1. A Good Cry
Tonight I found out some news that I wasn't to thrilled about. I couldn't stop wiping tears and I was pretty emotional. It's never the best feeling when you are let down.
2. Heartbreak
Although it never fails to kill you sometimes you do make it through and you come out an even better person. I am grateful for heartbreak because its shapes your character and tests your ability to handle situations.
3. Family Relationships
My family always has my back no matter what. It's nice to have them when "shit hits the fan"
4. Pampering Yourself
I was able to use a massage coupon my mom got me for Christmas. Massages are always relaxing.
You always feel like a million bucks after.
5. Loving Your Job
I work with the most beautiful children every single day. I wouldn't even call it work. It gets me through everyday and I am so incredibly blessed.

January 3rd 2013
1. Feeling the Presence of the Spirit.
When your struggling its always nice to know god loves you. The presence of the spirit not only reassures gods love for me but always reassures that even after rejection I am heading towards something better that can offer me more.
2. When Hope is Restored
I wasn't quite sure how I was going to feel when I woke up. When you have a night where things don't really go your way and you are let down by someone you really care about you expect yourself to be upset and angry. I was actually the complete opposite which is unusual when someone screws you over like that. I felt so much peace and happiness. I actually had never felt better. I knew everything would be okay. Hope was restored.
3. The Laugh of a Baby.
Man oh man I could kiss and tickle baby Jett all freaking day. I love that handsome babe.
4. The Desire for Knowledge.
Today I realized I want to go to school. I want to take a writing class and become better, faster and stronger. I also want to seek to find new gifts in my life threw knowledge.
5. Answers to Prayers.
After the Christmas holidays I was concerned that I wasn't going to be able to pay all my bills. I was getting a check today and I had no idea how much it was going to be with my being sick so much this pay period. I had no idea what it was going to be. It ended up being less then I expected and I had no idea how I was going to pay my bills. I really didn't want to have to call my parents. Well Ryan's Ashley's husband walks by and says add on some money. I am not going to say how much but it was a lot of money. A lot more then my check. He said it was Christmas Bonus. I explained that Ash had already given me a gift card to Nordstrom's for Christmas Bonus. Well as much as I told them not to they wrote me out the check and they didn't realize it but they were a huge answer to my prayers.

Its been three days of doing this everyday and I can already see the blessings coming into my life. I not only look for the blessing everyday but when I look back I remember everything I am grateful for. I remember the amazing things that happened to me and the tender mercies the lord provides me with.

New Years Resolution

I know I am just a tad bit late, and probably the last person to finish up new years resolutions. Seeing that it's already January 3rd. Perhaps I have enjoyed the time thinking about it as the year has begun. I eagerly anticipate getting started on these but am not rushed. I feel like things that you really want to change always take time and when we rush ourselves the momentum only lasts a couple weeks before all our resolutions aren't resolutions anymore. I have taken the time to ponder these ideas, as well as pray about these ideas. I have no idea what is ahead in my life but I couldn't feel happier about two thousand and thirteen. There hasn't been a time where I have been so close to god as I am today and as each year continues I remind myself how grateful I am for that. I know with his power he will give us the strength to accomplish any goal or receive any gift if we work for it.

1. A healthier lifestyle. That requires exercise at least three times a week. 

When it comes to choosing to live a healthier lifestyle I don't think that means a diet, or loosing weight. I never weigh myself. I think a scale is a self depreciating tool that satan uses to make yourself feel not good enough. Why I exercise and try to surround myself with healthier options is because it makes me feel better about myself. It sends endorphins to my brain. It gives me more confidence. It makes my nails and hair grow longer. 

2. Lower Expectations. I am someone who loves the human mind. I love figuring out how it works. I love figuring out why someone acts the way they do or what kind of personality they have. I have studied it so much that it's almost like I know someone before I even meet them. However then sometimes I think everyone is the same and everyone acts the way that I act or does things the way that I do. You would think with as much knowledge that I have about personality and so forth that I wouldn't run into this problem but I do. I expect everyone to do things the way I do. I want everything done perfect. I want to always be finding a way to do something better. I want to do things myself so they get done the right way. I am someone who goes above and beyond for others. The whole ten yards around the ball park and back kinda thing. Well unfortunately not everyone works that way and I am going to make it a goal to not have such high expectations on everything because most of the time people don't meet those expectations and I am disappointed. Its good to have high expectations but only to a certain degree. 

3. Be More Realistic. For some reason I always thought my life was one big fairytale. That one day I would wake up and be living in an enchanted world of my own. I wrote a list of all the many things my future husband would have and wanted every single thing on my list. I pictures him bring my flowers every week and taking me to magical places and saying and doing everything I imagined in my mind the night before. I think this goes a lot with lowering my expectations however I think being more realistic and thinking more with my head and less with my heart will help a lot. 

4. Attend the Temple Weekly. I live two blocks from the temple. You would think I could make time to serve the lord a little more often. This goal needs to be accomplished. 

5. Early to Bed Early to Rise. I got a really strong impression lately from my scriptures in D&C 88:118 and several verses after. I can't remember everyone exactly. It talked about being more educated on important things. Like studying and really understanding the scriptures. Obviously there are nights where staying out late is totally appropriate. I just feel like even if I stay up late or go to bed early I still sleep in way to late. I don't wake up until I have work and there could be so many other things I could be accomplishing in that spare time. 

6. Establish a House of Prayer, Fasting, Faith and Learning. This also goes along with the scripture in D&C. Prayer is one of the most important things in my life. I would be no where without it. I realize how much it impacts my life when I never forget it. When I do forget it things start to not seem as clear. Prayer leads us to opportunities to ask god for help, and to thank him. It give us peace of mind when we are praying, fasting, relying on faith and learning more about the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

7. Clothe Yourself with the Bond of Charity. Having compassion and love for others and for yourself is ultimately the way to become more like our savior. It is how we find perfection and peace. A little less anger and a little more love is what I am seeking for, and lots and lots of service. 

8. Never Make Permanent Decisions off of Temporary Feelings. I am a very sensitive person. Little things hurt me or upset me and I am not one to keep my emotions in. These days it's so easy to get upset over a stupid text message or say something you don't mean because it is a lot easier saying it in a text then saying it to their face. Some people hate confrontation others prefer face to face. Everyone is different but there has been times where I have been quite upset being hung up over a text message. When people get their heart broken or someone does something terrible to them we do things we don't usually do. The reason I realize this is because looking back on things there has been a lot of time I wish I would of reacted a totally different way. I tried something recently. Someone sent me a pretty disappointing text message. I couldn't believe it. It hurt my feeling so much. I wanted to say something back just as hurtful. Instead I decided to not respond and allowed myself some time to really ponder what I wanted to say. After five hours I responded. My text was full of love and compassion for the other persons situation. I felt for them more then I felt for myself. I had no anger and when I woke up the next day I held no anger. I had never felt more refreshed and alive. In any other situation I would of said something terrible. Held onto a lot of anger and ended up only hurting myself and feeling terrible about what I said in the long run. Never Make a Permanent Decision off of a Temporary Feeling. 

9. Keep a Gratitude Journal. Recently the lady I work with said she has always kept a gratitude journal. I am going to talk further into this in another post but you open it up and it has 150 things you forget to be grateful for. Then it goes on with quotes and wonderful words of wisdom. It also has everyday of the year and three lines underneath the dates so you can write three things you are grateful for everyday. What a great way to remember your blessings. 

10. Fall into Your Reading. I really want to start reading a lot more then I do. I want to get a library card and fill my room with books. They are wonderful and they increase your writing ability. I have been thinking I may want to take a writing class for the first time in my life. I love it very very much. 

Anyways! What a great year this will be if I can stick to these resolutions. I truly believe it will bring me great happiness and joy.

I plan on framing these and keeping them right next to my bed so I always remember as I wake up.

The Last

Three hundred and sixty five days in a year. Now we are down to that very last day. The three hundredth and sixty fifth day to the year. We made it all of this way. I don't think any of our years are quite easy. Some are more enjoyable then others. Some years we go through more then other years. Tragedies happen, we loose loved ones, we fail a class, get our hearts broken, feel alone.

However the magical beauty to all of this is that we also have a lot of amazing things happen. We fall in love, meet new friends, become stronger, grow closer to our savior, give an act of service. On this very last day of the year we look back on everything that has happened, and we are given the opportunity to let it all go. To set it all free. This new year can be whatever you want it to be. How ever you choose it to be I should say because I can't promise perfection. Yes things are going to happen. We will all be let down but its how you choose to react to any situation that determines your own happiness. 

Many of us find it extremely hard to let go of certain things. What better then a fresh start to help us a long the way. Get it all out on paper. Every single ounce of pain that you have felt  or every single heartbreak you remember this year. Or every time you think you failed or felt alone. On this very last day of the year remember that, and as we bring the new year take everything you wrote down, rip it up and blow it far away. 

What I would like to say is that I am very blessed to have grown into the person that I am today. I never would of known of this person a year ago. I have already let go of so much in my life, and I am so proud of myself.  

Letting go of these terrible things has brought me to meeting some of the most amazing people that I could see in my life forever. That would never hurt me or drag me down like others have. That will only build be up and inspire me everyday. 

2013 will be your year. 

Timing is everything.

When the stars line up
And you catch a break
People think you're lucky
But you know its grace

It can happen so fast
Or a little bit late
Timing is everything

You know I've had close calls
When it could've been me
I was young when I learned just how fragile life can be
I lost friends of mine
I guess it wasn't my time
Timing is everything

And I could've been the child that God took home,
And I would've been one more unfinished song
And when it seems a rhyme is hard to find
That's when one comes along
Just in time

I remember that day
When our eyes first met
You ran into the building to get out of the rain
Cause you were soaking wet
And as I held the door
You wanted to know my name
Timing is everything

And I could've been another minute late
And you'd never would've crossed my path that day
And when it seems true love is hard to find
That's when love comes along
Just in time

You can call it fate
Or destiny
Sometimes it really seems like its a mystery

Cause you can be hurt by love
Or healed by the same
Timing is everything

It can happen so fast
Or a little too late
Timing is everything

Happy Ending

As you grow older you really never stop fearing things. You just start fearing different things. I  remember growing up my biggest fear was that someone would somehow find their way into my house and steal me away forever. I think the side of my parents bed was where I slept most of the time between the ages of 8-16. We all grow up and let go of many of those fears but grasp onto others. 
For me there's a fear I can't quite shake. It's love. You would think love would be the happiest thing in the world because it is, however once you have something at the palm of your hands it can be taken away from you at any moment. It's a scary thing when your a women who has the tendency to be quite fragile. Though I find myself afraid I realize this thing that I've found. This so called love. Could also have the tendencies to be quite great. I am no longer a little kid. I can't find a place on the side of my mammas bed but what I can do is get onto my knees each night and pray to my father above to calm my fears. 

I think the wounded have a hard time with trust. Everyone wants a happy ending and sometimes it's a lot harder to get there for some people.