I Almost Do

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

Oh we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess, baby
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me

Because I Love Her

I love her smile,

I love her ways,

I love to hear her laugh,

And the silly things she says and does.

She brings Me great pleasure.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty and not beautiful,

Because I knew her heart,

And knew she would be vain…

I wanted her to search out her heart,

And to learn that it would be

Me in her

That would make her beautiful…

And it would be Me in her

That would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way,

That she would need Me.

I made her a little more lonesome

Than she would like to be…

Only because I need for her to lean and depend on Me…

I know her heart, I know if I had not

Made her like this,

She would go her own chosen way

And forget Me…her Creator.

I have given her many good and happy things

Because I love her.

Because I love her,

I have seen her broken heart…

And the tears she cried alone.

I have cried with her,

And had a broken heart, too.

Many times she has stumbled

And fallen alone

Only because she would not hold

My Hand,

So many lessons she’s learned

The hard way.

Because she would not listen

To My voice…

And now she is Mine again…

I made her, and then I bought her…

Because I love her.

Faith to Fall Back On.

As many know I am a nanny to three beautiful children. Savvy is four. Amelia is two, and Jett is 6 months. Today I literally didn't stop running around the house. Picking up toys. One after the other. I swear I couldn't get it all. I would start picking a mess up, and then turn around and find another trail of toys, shredded paper, scissors, or play dough. It was like the toys and the kids were a ticking time bomb. Savvy wanted to do crafts. Amelia wanted to paint. They were both hungry. They wanted snacks. I needed to cook dinner. Jett needed his diaper changed, multiple times. The girls had dance class which meant no naps. We needed to clean their rooms. Jett's teething which is another set of joys. Savvy had gymnastics. Jett wouldn't drink his bottle. Amelia didn't want noodles she wanted peanut butter and honey. There wasn't a second to take a breath. I was being pulled on by every limb on my body. Kaywa Kaywa. That's all I could hear.

People ask me all the time. Why? How could you enjoy your job when their are a million other things you could choose to be doing with your time, and this is honestly what I have to say about that. Sometimes when I'm alone and laying in my bed late at night watching the candle flicker I feel afraid. I think about my deep desire for more in life. For more adventure, love and opportunity. I feel afraid because I want more answers. I want more answers to my dreams and the life I hope to be living one day. We all have times where nothing makes sense. I mean we are happy with life, and are grateful, and blessed for everything we have, but we still have wonder, and are still confused about a lot of things. The truth is, the only thing that makes all the sense in the world to me is what I do everyday. I walk in the door and feel the warm arms of children around me. Their hugs, and smiles, and child like humor. I get lost for awhile. I feel love in every aspect of my day. There is this radiant sunshine in everyone's eyes. No matter how many times they make a mess, or throw up on me, or pull at my cloths crying. I still look into their eyes and see innocence and love. I could hold them in my arms forever because they save me from any pain I can imagine. In these moments I am reminded of the saviors love for us and no matter how many times we screw up and make messes he still wants to hold us in his arms forever. 

I have learned that no matter what comes my way. The people in my life are the faith I fall back on.
That the children I protect truly protect me, and thats why I choose to do what I do every single day.  

Heart Melting Lyrics

Lead Me

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

These Things Take Time

I want to know why pain makes me stronger. I want to know why good men die. Why am I so afraid of the dark, but I've stray from the light? I want to know why you gave me eyes when faith is how I see, and tell me, is it easier to doubt or harder to believe? Oh, there's so many questions stirring in me. I'm wondering why? Sometimes the truth ain't easy to find. I want to know all the answers, but I'm learning that these things take time. Yeah, these things take time

How can success make us feel like failures? And the harder we fall, the harder we try. The more I have the more I need just to feel like I'm getting by. Oh, there's so many questions in one short life. We spend so much time chasing our tails. Hoping to find every last answer to everything in life. So many questions, not enough time Hey, we all want to understand why evil lives, and good men die. On the way to Heaven, the truth unwinds. These things take time