I have always been told that I deserve better, and not just by my girlfriends who are supposed to trash the guy who breaks my heart, but by everyone. I've never taken their advice though. The passion, the lust, the companionship. No matter how bad it hurts, how much more I deserve, or how many guys would die for a chance to be him. My heart belongs to the one who values it the least, and I direct my efforts and attention to attaining that relationship. I have my days where I am drained of the energy to hold on. Then you give me one more reason to keep going.
People wonder why? I sometimes wonder the same thing, but when it all comes down to it. I love him, and to be honest I couldn't love another the same.
The good moments out weight the bad, every time he breaks my heart. I don't pity myself. At anytime I can walk away. I choose to stay though.
I've tried being single for quite sometime. Allowing contention to calm itself, and time to really figure out what I want and who I am. I've dated. I've seen other men. Theres something that never seems right about each and everyone of them. Maybe it's cause it isn't you, but on rare occasion i'll meet someone who I could actually myself with, and they turn out to be a completely different person then I thought they were. It's hard when your happy with what you have but know you deserve better.
One of these days one of us will come around. It may be him. It may be me, but I am running out of excuses to defend my reasoning. We need to figure out how to meet in the middle. A lot is on my mind at the moment, and every time we talk he still doesn't know. I have just as much control over our future as he does, and if I don't see some decision making soon. I'm going to make my own decision, and then he is going to wake up and realize he lost the moon while chasing all the stars.
