G- You brought me to such a distinct level of hopelessness that left me to feel absolutely nothing. I wanted to stay, and hold your hand threw everything but it stung way to deep, everyday I tried to forget but that will never be enough to make it okay. I've opened my eyes to new surrounding and noticed that life's been patiently waiting, and that there is a time in everyones lives when you see the years passing by, but in the end fate has a way of changing, wether you want it to or not. I was never one to regret something I attempted, even if I fell flat on my face, my biggest regrets were the ones never faced or examined, and I know thats the reason I always went back to you. Love makes you do things you never would have captured, but its because that person holds your heart, and if you truly love them, they took it, it was never a gift. When it comes to love, I was a fool, along side many, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Im just not going to run into a fire anymore when there is no one left to save. You are who you are, what you say will always burn, the truth will always hurt, but the lies were much worse and I'm done playing on broken strings. I have to fight my fears and it won't happen unless I face them. You were never sure enough you loved me but always sure enough to let me go. You reassured me things that made me drowned, left me shaking when I would stand, and took my trust and abused it. As much as you wanted to, you couldn't live without me, and as selfish as you were, you took the best of all worlds, and left what was left of mine crashing down. You effected my self esteem, my friendships, my body, and my heart, but there is one thing you can never take, and thats my freedom of choice. I believed that I was different then any other girl, and you made me think that, you always came back to me in the long run, I never saw the big picture that said it meant nothing but the mistake of staying around. I trained you in the exact opposite direction of where I wanted you to be. I allowed you to treat me like a can of dirt, and took every hard hit with the biting of my lip. Everything was always my fault, the problem seemed to always have something to do with me, I always said sorry. I consented to let you treat me the way you did, and then I was just trying to fight on the battlefield, but the battles over when there is no one to fight. I am now in full control, I make my own decisions, and I can not change anyone but myself. I stood over a clip falling much to deep, and dangled myself across the edge, grasping to hold on. You were always pulling me down, and after a while I was going to fall, I would fall, because gravity will always win. 
Yes this could just about be the hardest thing I will ever do, but I will get there by myself even if from time to time I fall off balance. Me I am in full control now, now burdened with the blame and trapped in the past. 
You know, I always loved you like I should have, but never lived like I should've. I want to be back to the worry free me, and when I tell you right now its over its done. I am proud that I found strength in your moments of weakness, and the chance to loose everything to find that forgiveness might find me someday. I have to throw away the change, and come to find that life comes to quickly and if you don't grab it, you might be too late. I don't want to look back and show my children and spouse that this was the boy I gave my life to, when he was a boy who had a doubt. I can never create what could have been, because in the first place there would have never been one. Yes we are both taking two separate paths, and just saying those words scares me, but I will always have the memories of what you and I shared, I might cry, I might not, however I will know it is the good kind of tears, knowing I had a change, and remembering the memories. Everyday I will love you a little less, but that will never replace what I saw in you and could never erase the past. I took something from you that changed my life, I hope you took something from me because that was your only chance. Now is my time to be selfish with my self because I never was worried about me it was about you and me. I thought you could have been the one, someone I never thought of being the one I wanted to be with, but you stole my heart, and if I had a choice I think I still would have given it to you because what was present is what was learned and what was learned is what the future can hold. I will be okay, I will fall in love, it never just lies with only one single person. I had to figure out why I was holding on, and it was because I loved you, well that wasn't good enough. I have always written my failures on my hand, and one day I will turn them into a book, every time you see a new chapter know thats when I fell flat on my face, and got back up again. You might be able to hide from the pain my once known lover, but one day it will find you, and instead of giving me scars, you might be thanking me.-H
