It really all started the first time I saw you. A single glance was all I needed. As if a photographer was trying to focus the lens on the subject. The beautiful lake, the people, the homemade treats, and the coldness of the water overwhelming my body. However not as overwhelming as the butterflies I got seeing you from a distance.I wanted you to be mine. The way that we found each other is a memory I could never forget. From that day on you stole my mind, heart, and attention. The first time I touched you I could of grabbed you and kissed you. It was never awkward, and the second time we met up I didn't really get to see your face that much because you were under my car fixing my flat tire. You were such a man. A I knew I could never let myself fall for. I specifically told you I wasn't looking for anything serious. Until you kissed me. My entire world turned upside down, and I swear I knew I loved you the second your lips touched mine. I've never felt a kiss like that before, and even 2 years later, nothing has compared to that kiss. I didn't know if I was ready to get into anything serious so you patiently waited for me to return your I love you and commit to us. The moment I knew I loved you was when I was standing in the stands of a football game screaming your name. Laughing and smiling with your mom.
Our relationship continued going great. We spent all of our free time together, texted each other constantly, went on cute dates, and grew closer as a couple. I loved showing you off whenever we went out, and everything just seemed like it would be okay when I looked in your eyes. We had a few rough patches, but what relationship doesn't? The sunsets, barbecues, bike rides, bomb fires, camping trips, truck rides, water fights and knowing every night your kiss was all I needed. Even to this day, I have never been as happy as I was during those times.
Then there came a time when you didn't seem to need me as much as you used to, and your actions started to push me away. So being me. I ran home. I ran to the only thing I know could hold me together when everything seemed to be falling apart, and still to this day I think you hate me for doing that to you. For the next couple days we were trying to talk things out. And then we said those words: "It's not working." I asked you if were were breaking up and your answer was yes. I completely lost it. I cried all night. We talked a little the next day, and he said he needed some time to think about it. I was so miserable. I couldn't go anywhere without crying. I really felt as though my life was over. We were apart only for a week or so, when I met up with your family knowing I would see you. The minute I saw you, it hurt me so bad to know I hurt you. All I wanted to do was fix it. When I saw the way you looked at me. I was so relieved. I knew you still loved me. I knew we would work it out, and we did later that night. I really thought this was just a small rut in our relationship, and everything would be okay. And it was, for a while.
As time wen't on we really couldn't forgive each other for all the hurt that wen't on. Things weren't very good. It seemed like we fought more often, and agreed on things less. You started pushing me out of your life as if we had never met. And you broke my heart for the second time. Again, I was a complete wreck. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was in so much pain all the time. I lost weight, I completely lost a grip on myself. I tried to talk to you. You would either ignore me or say things to break me down. All I wanted was closure, to meet in person and tell me what happened. And you wouldn't give me that. I had to force myself on you pretty much to get you to talk to me.
I waited for you for almost a year, you put me through hell not being able to make up your mind, leading me on and shutting me out. But I still waited for you. There was something about you, and I knew I would do literally anything to have you. We were so happy together. Then there became moments where you were almost going to loose me for good, and that scared you. So you made me all these promises that you would change. That you wouldn't ignore me when you were mad, or hangout with girls who tried to ruin our relationship, or just stop being so selfish. Me being me. I gave in. We got back together, and everything was so great for a few while.
Once again things starting to change. I had to basically force you to hangout with me, you would ignore my texts all the time, you would pick fights with me about everything, you wouldn't text me back when I said I loved you if you were mad at me, you were irritable towards me and everyone else in your family. I confronted you several times about it, and you kept saying you would stop being a douche bag. Well that never stopped and this cycle was constant. I kept telling myself I didn't love you but continued to keep falling back in love with you every time we tried working it our again. Then I moved away and you graduated high-school and some weeks we would talk like we were still in love. Other times you said the most hurtful things, and one time I even got a drunk dial from you telling me you didn't like who I was dating. You sent me pictures of girls in shirts that said "I stole your boyfriend." You were mean, really mean and I couldn't take it anymore. Three states away I sent you a picture of a wedding ring and told you I was engaged. As much as I hated it there was finally silence between us.
Eventually you found out the truth as I realized I needed you. Just like I always do. Slowly but surely we became friends, and when I had the chance to see you maybe more then that.
To be honest though, I wish I knew what happened to cause all of this. We were so in love. I fought for so long and so hard and I forgave you for so many painful things. You were the reason our relationship fell apart, because you let it. It's going to be good when you finally go away, because I know right now it's for the best. But I will still miss you. And I will always love you, but I will never understand why you gave up.
